School of Hard Knocks

So, this week heralded the first real Guild Drama I've dealt with since becoming an officer. This was a valuable learning experience. I feel as if I could have done better in how I reacted internally. I took it personally. I felt sick with stress and hurt feelings. My guildies are my friends, and I felt as if the issue at hand was directly related to me.

Still, I also could have handled this with far less grace than I did. I didn't do too badly, and I did manage to salvage the situation. I also took some valuable information out of the experience.

The Situation

To put this succinctly, a thread was started on our forums about the overabundance of heavy, drama laden RP, and how the sheer numbers of stories and amount of drama is making it difficult to do anything. Now for me, this is a touchy subject; I'm guilty of being the center of much of this. I never intended to be, but my stories become more and more expansive. I let myself get carried away for a while, but I've been working on reducing it, with at least a little success.

This thread was initially a constructive thing, but one of our members- a friend from the guild before this one, and someone whom I have spoken with before about personal Life Stuff- wrote a very long, very scathing post talking about how there's a just a few 'showboats' who steal all the spotlight, and good luck to anyone else trying to get involved. She said that no one gets any help. She said that the stories were ridiculous and unrealistic. She said a lot of things, and I felt as if many of them were pointed directly at me.

My response was to read that post, and immediately feel sick. Am I an attention whore? Am I a shitty officer? Did this person, whom I considered a friend, not consider me a friend any more? Are my stories shit?

I did well at reigning in my knee-jerk reaction to blast her, and instead made a rather long post addressing each of her points in turn. I ignored what I perceived to be personal jabs at me, and moved straight to the issue, only briefly mentioning that my feelings were hurt. I also sent her a private message addressing my feelings, because I didn't want to just let this hang between us.
Everything was pretty mildly stated, and I focused on the problems she'd brought to light- that she 'and others' felt left out, that there were many level-centric RP qualms, that no one was getting any help, and that she'd had some in character interpersonal difficulties.

Still, though my post was pretty calm, I felt like I was going to cry. Her post touched many of my personal insecurities. I often worry about becoming everything that I hate in people- attention whores irritate me to no end, shitty writers who they're good, etc.

I spent most of the day and evening feeling sick to my stomach, and alternating between really disliking her for making such an inflammatory post- after all, if I was right, she could have said all that much less horribly- and hating myself for possessing those qualities which she was raging against in the first place.

What I Did Wrong

I took it personally.
I was too willing to assume that the problem was me, and that I was to blame for my guildie's blowup. I allowed my guildie's frustration to play upon my own insecurities, and made shitty assumptions in order to lambaste myself. These are old, old urges that I thought I'd outgrown when I gained the self confidence to be an adult. I need to be stronger, and have more faith in myself. Sometimes, I might not be able to resolve the problem, and I WILL be blamed for what goes on. I cannot please everyone, and I cannot allow myself to get ripped apart over someone else's issues.

I blamed the source.
I went between blaming myself, and blaming the guildie, for the surge of drama. I felt inclined to turn the guildie in question into the enemy, which does nothing to open communication and address the actual problem. Yes, my guildie could have done much better at articulating the situation; she could have brought this problem to us before, instead of letting it stew and getting angrier. But most people WON'T come to you with their problems, and you just have to be able to work with them. Not everyone is a good communicator, and these situations are GOING to happen. That doesn't mean that the poor communicator is a bad person, or even a bad fit. No one is perfect, and we have to remember why they're a part of our guild- we have to focus on the retention of valuable members, and analyze whether the person is the source of the drama, or if the situation has merely broken them.

What I Did Right

I responded calmly.
Even though I felt personally attacked, I did not allow any of my rage and alternating depression to come through in my post. I focused on the issues at hand, and not the inflammatory way they were brought to me.

I was compassionate.
I considered her point of view, and tried my best to understand the problems from her perspective. I DID address the problems she brought up, and tried to come up with solutions that would help.

The Solution

She responded to my forum message by saying we should probably talk in game, and I agreed. Before talking to her, I spoke with my fellow officers, who were very supportive of this plan. They were also there for emotional support, and one in particular kept whispering me throughout my conversation, making sure I was okay and things were going alright. Have I mentioned I love my guild, and that I love my fellow officers?

I felt that I was going to be the best person to talk to her about this issue. Although many of her points did seem to pertain to me in particular, I knew that I was willing to step into her shoes, and be compassionate. Empathy is one of my strengths. In addition, I had the nagging suspicion that her wrathful post wasn't just what she was saying it was. I felt as if there were many contributing factors to the boil over, and that I had a better idea of what might be going on than others would.

So, she whispered me, and asked if 'now would be a good time to talk'. I said yes, and invited her to group. I waited for her to make contact because I was frankly quite apprehensive, and there was also a large RP event going on, and I didn't want to interrupt her. (In the future, it would probably be better for me to take initiative here.)

She admitted right away that she was horrible at conflict resolution, and that she had made that post out of anger. I told her I considered her a friend, and wanted to understand what was going on, and how I could help. I let her vent. And, at first I was inclined to play the blame game- 'well, that couldn't possibly be our fault because...' Then, I caught myself. This wasn't about blame. Who cared who was 'at fault'? Honestly, looking at it, it was just a series of unfortunate situations.

It boiled down the fact that she, personally, had felt left out by the guild. We have many level eighty characters. Every time she logged on, she would try to get a group for something, but everyone was in heroics, or Naxx, or whatever. She would try to get involved in RP, but the plots moved too quickly, and she was left behind and lost. Her character was ostracized and spurned. No one said 'hello' when she logged on. She felt lonely, and isolated, and was -this- close to just up and transferring servers.

She needed more than she was getting. And honestly, that's what our guild is about- we are helpful and friendly to one another, and she should have been able to get the interaction she was wanting. I don't blame anyone; I know that I get tunnel vision when I'm focused on something. I honestly feel it was more chance than anyone particularly shunning her.

Still, it IS a problem. Our guild is very close, and I'd say most of us play to play with one another. I can see where she was coming from, and I took steps to remedy it.

Her character is a discipline priest. I've mentioned in previous posts about the Apprenticeship program, which is actually designed to prevent this sort of thing; I went ahead and apprenticed her single target healer to my single target Holy Paladin. There aren't any other up and coming healers, so why not? I enjoy RPing with this person, and she was incredibly relieved just to be a part of SOMETHING. I get that.

In addition, I'm going to be more attentive to saying 'hello' when people log on. I know it always makes me feel fantastic when I get the requisite six people jumping on me with a 'Hi!' and 'DYNA! *pounce*' I like being greeted, and I know others do too- so I'm going to try to be more on that.

Also, I'm going to try and avoid that tunnel vision that I get when I'm 'doing something'. What's more important? 'Doing something', or spending time with my guildies?

I've also told her to please, please, please come to me- or another officer- if she begins to feel left out or lonely again. I made the point that we CANNOT POSSIBLY know that there's a problem, unless someone tells us. The fact that she nearly transferred without saying anything, honestly speaks poorly of her. Still, that's her issue, and she knows it. I think she'll be more inclined to talk to me in the future, because I handled her problem with compassion and kindness. I feel like I did good with this situation, ultimately.

Leadership, role play, and raiding

This week has seen some interesting changes. It's my first week of officership, and so far, I am finding myself really enthused and energized about the whole process- although I feel marginally intimidated by the project that I have set myself to, which is setting up a role play apprenticeship system so that we can have more character interaction, and perhaps bring an element of warfare to the guild RP.

Our guild has changed since I first joined. Originally, there was no raid team, only a few max levels who joined something called the Small Guild Kara Alliance. I was in a different guild at the time, a guild that had a raid team, but that was also small and role play oriented. We brought in some of our friends from my current guild, and it was good.

Then that guild fell apart, and with it, the raid team. I joined our ally guild, which is my current guild, and three of us paladins planned. We were going to have a raiding team, dang it! After all, we had enough people who make max level- it was going to be awesome.

So we brought raiding into the guild, and ever since, it has stuck.

However, this has left a bit of a rift between raiding and role play, as the raiding was never really mixed with the role play aspects. Back in my original guild, we would actively role play during the raid; but in Naxx, and now in Ulduar, we don't really do that. The feel of the RP is different in this guild than it was in my last one. That isn't to say bad, mind- but this isn't my last guild, and I'm happy with that.

Still, it has been noted that we really are still primarily an RP guild, and it could be fun to incorporate our weekly ventures into Naxxramas, Obsidian Sanctum, and Ulduar into our guild role play, since so many of us have become so entrenched in raiding.

We also seem to be developing more and more max level characters, ones who haven't necessarily raided before.

So, to work on the PVE skillsets of those characters, my thought is that we can create an role play system where characters of similar class and mindset can provide instruction to their 'apprentices'; this would include in character discussion of ability rotations, gearing, and actual raid strategy. For characters who are not max level, this would still allow role play interaction, as a character could take on a lower level apprentice, and slowly guide them through the process of leveling up and learning their class, from an IC perspective.

This in character learning could also apply to dual specs, and to professions, for those who aren't as interested in the raiding aspect.

My hope is that this would draw together these two very important, very wonderful aspects of my incredible guild- mesh the PvE progression with the role play that our guild is founded on and continues to be focused on.

However, this project is slightly intimidating to me. Generally, our guild is very relaxed, and easy going. People are willing to take advice and criticism. But I'm not sure how to set this up.

(If anyone has any suggestions on that, I'd love to hear them!)

As for the rest of my WoW experience, aside from the new tasks of officership, I've also been RPing. (Who is surprised? Oh, that's right, no one.) I've managed to bring Kestrell into role play more, which pleases me, and I brought Odynae, my main, back from her jaunt in Ice Crown. She is no longer with Leonu, and has turned into a bitter, hardened warrior- which I believe will leave her in a good position to organize the apprentice/training endeavor. Before, she was rather wiffly and ineffective. I think she'll make a better leader this way.

In addition, I have utterly failed at doing my dailies, or leveling my death knight. I have, however, been working on Rhainn (said DK)'s herbalism and alchemy. She's at 250, and 259, respectively. I'm proud of this. Soon, soon, I shall have flasks and mana potions for my main! Muahahaa!

I'm also trying to get together the materials to make two of our new eighties, both ret paladins (one of whom is off-speccing holy!) their titansteel destroyers. But oh god I hate farming Titanium nodes on my stupid slow flying mount.

Which leads me back to the fact that I NEED TO DO MY DAMN DAILIES. Arrrghhhh.

Ever since I hit Revered with Hodir, I've felt absolutely no motivation. Not even being poor, poor, poor has caused me to stir my lazy butt.

Ah well.

This weekend, we will be taking on Malygos once again, and downing OS. Sunday we will be running Naxx, but I doubt I'll get to go; two of our healers just returned from long absences, and I don't really need much out of there, other than Maexxna's cursed shield. I've pretty much accepted that it will ONLY drop if I am not there. Or it will drop the day after I get the shield off of XT in Ulduar. Argh.

However, despite probably not going to Naxx, I will be attending one of (sort of) ally guilds' Ulduar run, since my guild is not doing Ulduar this weekend due to our fresh eighties and our desire to include them! So, YAY Ulduar with SSB! I'm excited, folks!

Rp, Dailies, and I Should Tank Moar.

Well, yesterday was a good day.

I went out and did my dailies, like a good little paladin. I am still awed by how fast the mobs die, and still sad by how often I'm OoM, despite keeping seal of wisdom and judgment of wisdom up.

I did my Hodir dailies, then I went to WG to farm fire. Like a little crybaby whiner, I bubble-hearthed when a 'lock and rogue decided that I'd done the round in the eternal fire area enough. That was fine, I got two fires with minimal effort. The 'lock even /danced with me as I bubble-hearthed away. Apparently, controlling WG isn't necessary to farm eternals- just have a good grasp on your coward buttons, and be prepared to accept a death.

I skinned some stuff, and earned 100g yesterday with minimal effort, then took my nap. I was a good little protadin!

When I woke up, I logged onto Rhainn, my primarily for RP death knight. Now Rhainn is an interesting character, to me. I enjoy playing villains, but villains with motivations and reasons behind what they do. No one wakes up one morning and decides that they want to kill everyone just because they're there. If they do, it's kind of unrealistic, in my opinion.

Rhainn was supposed to be a villain. But because of her multi-faceted nature, there was space in her character for a chance at redemption. Not that she wanted it. Her exterior consisted of a lot of grunting, alcoholism, cursing, and fighting. She's unfriendly, short fused, and bad at communicating. She doesn't trust anyone, and is in serious denial. I really didn't expect anyone to probe past the fact that she was apparently pissed off at the world and only really liked to drink and fight and yell at strangers.

Still, she was the daughter of one of the more prominent guild members, and was given a chance. People began to get to know her, and at least one began to understand her, in all her crazy, angry, bitter ways.

Rhainn's backstory is complicated, to say the least. I wanted a villain who had reasons to be villainous. Rhainn's primary motive was to keep everyone away, because she was dangerous. This is because she does not possess free will, entirely. On occassion, the faction that rules her raises it's ugly head and takes her over, tells her what to do, how to do it- and the hell with anything she wants. She is there to obey. As a result, being the obstinant thing she is, she rebels against anything and anyone that she perceives as trying to control her- and kept her problems a very guarded secret. God forbid anyone should perceive her as weak. Better to die fighting to prove otherwise, than to let anyone have any doubt.

At any rate, she's changed over the past few months. Changed a lot, and mostly due to the fact that despite her best intentions, she got too close to those around her. Oh, she's still nasty and unpleasant to strangers, and communicates mostly with grunting and narrowed eyes; it took countless fist fights and screaming fits for anyone to penetrate the thick barrier she formed about herself. Only someone as stubborn and hard headed as Makis could have survived, and there were times when I wondered if he would.

Now she can even admit she cares about him, and, when caught off guard or absent-minded, might even make statements that imply she doesn't loathe everyone else in the world, though those statements are quickly followed by defensive abrasiveness.

At any rate, Rhainn came out to play last night, and there was some -very- fun plot oriented RP as a result.

Kudos to Makis and to Jandrith for the new plot arc that appeared out of no where. This should be entertaining!

Resources!

Okay, so last night's farming and dailies was a no-go. Real Life intervened, and, on a spur of the moment, I went out and Did Things.

When I returned, I promptly took a nap, and then it was time to log on and RP. My primary focus in playing WoW is the role play aspect. There are very few things in my life which trigger me to utilize my creativity and writing skill, yet writing and fiction are incredibly important to me. I don't so much play the character, as the character sits inside my skull and begs to come out. Writing is a release in that way, and, when choosing between whether I'd rather role play or do my dailies- well, if I only have time for one, I'm sorry to say that dailies are going to get dropped in a heartbeat. WoW is not my second job, it's what I do for fun.

I could have more willpower, because as I've said, I'm sick of being poor- but instead, I ran LBRS on my 72 DK with her RP buddy, a 75 ret pally. There was much smashing of dragon skulls, and some good moments of humor when they both spazzed over all the new and interesting things to smash.

So, since I failed to do my dailies or anything prot or holy oriented, I'll go ahead and dedicate this blog post to the recent resources I've found myself compulsively checking.

First and foremost comes the Plusheal forums.

Put on by the nice folks at World of Matticus (I think?) this is an excellent all-around resource for healers EVERYWHERE! It also has a nice section about leadership, raid strategy, five mans- I can't stop refreshing the site looking for new and interesting topics to read and post to.

And, of course, I love Maintankadin; this was the website that taught me most of what I know about prot. These forums explained to me what that magical, mystical number of '540' actually meant, and why it was so important. As a result, I'm now working on Uncrushable. Yay Maintankadin!

I'd like to give a shout-out to Elitist Jerks for teaching me about my class as a holy paladin in the two months I was unable to log on. I studied the Elitist Jerks holy forums like a crazy person, and actually learned how my class worked for the first time as a result. Thank you for uplifting me from my noobdom!

I also have really enjoyed reading Blessing of Kings, a paladin blog that introduced me to the WoW blogging community. Shortly after EJ became banned from work, I did a quick, bored search on WoW paladin blogs- and this is what I found. From BoK, I managed to find all sorts of resources.

Pull! Is also one of my new favorite things to review, since I've taken up the mantle of Off Tank for my guild. Our Main Tank is one of those CrazyTanks that I am so very, very used to working with; the type that waits for eighty percent mana and no more, the type that does crazy LoS pulls and doesn't warn me, the type that expects me to know my shit- and thereby forces me to Know My Shit when I heal for them. I LOVE my CrazyTanks.

And, of course, I'd like to say a fond farewell to Big Red Kitty. Alongside the rest of the WoW community, I wish you all the best with your Real Life. RL first, always. Still, your humor and light hearted postings, along with the intense research and strategy for huntards (I only mock because I love, I promise) kept me entertained for many an hour.

I still go back and read your archives, BRK; glad to hear you're integrating well out of the raid world!

I intend to tank some instances and do my dailies today, and if I don't, I request the scorn and mocking of my peers to keep me going! THAT EPIC FLAPPY WILL BE MINE SOMEDAY!